compliments

We sit and we sigh

And nothing gets done

So right, so clued-up

We just get old

And all the while

Been torn asunder
Nicotine

And bacteria

What are we coming to

What are we going to do.

Tonight I did some deep thinking and some much needed soul-searching. It was definitely neccessary for me, mentally.

After a very tedious and unnerving lecture by my mother I decided I needed to find some sort of clarity to put my mind at ease. Instead of pulling my hair out, pushing buttons and yelling, I took a deep breath, said "I understand and respect your sentiments" and stepped outside. Green tea in hand, I covered myself in a blanket and turned on my iPod.

Kele's belting-out of such heartwrenching words was, ironically, what I needed to hash out my own thoughts.

I've been so tense and stressed, anxious and on edge ever since I can remember. I'm not quite sure why. I suppose it's a byproduct of the emotional environment I grew up in. But that's a different story.

I took several deep and drawn-out breaths and leaned back in my chair. As I looked up at the sky, the stars and the nearly full moon, I let it all out. Every emotion I've been feeling, every ounce of pent-up anxiety and resentment, and everything I fail to put into words.

For once I could actuallly appreciate the sweet scent of freshly cut grass, the chirping of insects(ew) nearby and the whisper of cars in the distance. At least it's life.

And not to sound too ethereal, but isn't life all we really have? The only thing we can ever know for certain is the reality of life and death. Everything else is icing.

And I know I've always said that I really only want to do what will make me happy, and I know many of you say the same. But what is happiness? What will it take to reach it? Will you ever reach it, are you planning on it or are you planning on living life the way others would have you?

Because, again, life goes on while we're busy planning.

I also realized that life is too short to walk around with a grudge weighing me down. Sure, I'll always be pissy, opinionated and not afraid to speak. But I also can't let past events hold me back, conciously or subconciously.

So I sorted through my thoughts, through past relationships, resentment and "failures". I've vowed to live life on my own terms from now on. To not let others' doubt or blackmail dictate what I choose to do. Because that would only lead to certain unhappiness. And I'm through with that shit. I'm through with depression and I'm through with guilt.

Yeah, I've fucked up. A LOT. But I can own it, perhaps regret it, and look past it.

Instead of fighting with my mom like I did with my dad, I'll inhale/exhale and smile. I already have one fucked-up child/parent relationship, I might as well build and salvage the one that remains. It's my only chance.

And I miss all of my friends. I feel like I've abandoned so many people. I'm really, really sorry... I cannot stress this enough. But true friends will always be friends. They always remember and love no matter what. I'm sure I have some great, wonderful friends that will be there forever and always. And they'll receive the same from me in return.

How can i seem so visibly ungrateful? So seemingly selfish?

Why am I so judgmentally hypocritical?

Can anyone tell me what the hell is wrong with me?

How the fuck can I manage to seem so put-together and in control when I'm anything but? Maybe it goes unnoticed because I generally prefer not to weigh others down with the burden of my quandary?

I'm a headcase.

God. I am such a bitch.

A village in Texas is still missing its idiot.

I realize this blog is lacking in commentors and probably readers. Therefore, this post is merely for my own entertainment, hopefully it succeeds in easing a little depression.


Bush is still an idiot. Still stupid, still uneducated, still ignorant. Still less competent than that bum downtown who struggles to piece together complete sentences.


It's the 2007 Bushisms, folks! We elected a moron into office, so we might as well keep a tally on his ever-so-enlightening public speeches.
These are a few of my favorites:

"The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

"I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject." --George W. Bush, answering a question about a possible flu pandemic, Cleveland, July 10, 2007

"You know, I guess I'm like any other political figure: Everybody wants to be loved." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

"More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way." --George W. Bush, Martinsburg, W. Va., July 4, 2007

"This process has been drug out a long time, which says to me it's political." --George W. Bush, discussing the controversy surrounding Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, Sofia, Bulgaria, June 11, 2007

"These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." --George W. Bush, Sofia, Bulgaria, June 11, 2007

"There's a lot of blowhards in the political process, you know, a lot of hot-air artists, people who have got something fancy to say." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 17, 2007

"There are some similarities, of course (between Iraq and Vietnam). Death is terrible." --George W. Bush, Tipp City, Ohio, April 19, 2007

OK. First off, WE'RE the 'folks' who are bombing innocent people in Iraq! And YOU'RE the bigoted asshole who refuses to bring home the troops who are over there killing these people for no logical reason whatsoever.

Sorry, Junior, you don't deserve anyone's love.

In fact I cannot begin to comprehend how Laura, Barbara and Jenna can look at you with anything short of disgust in their eyes.

You deserve your nation's hate, resentment and punishment.

HAHAHAHA! This is so ridiculous I can only laugh! The Revolutionary War (1775–1783) did NOT take place two decades ago, in the 80's!

YOU of all people should know this as well as the difference between "decade" and "century". Read a book, dammit.

Dear Mr. President,

I am aware that you graduated High School with a C average and GPA of 2.0. However, this is not excuse enough to mix up words or use them incorrectly.

If by using the word "drug" when in fact you meant to say "dragged", is part of your scheme to come off as a "regular country fellow", you officially have permission to give up.

No one's buying it.

Again, read a fucking book.

As for the second to last quote. Did he really say BLOWHARDS? (I'm dying with laughter right now. He said this publicly, people!)

Is this really what political activists and punk musicians are to you? "Blowhards" who use "fancy" language?

Did you ever think maybe YOU'RE the stupid "blowhard" whose vocabulary couldn't even rival that of an illiterate kindergartener?

OK. You've stumped me here. "Death is terrible"? Really. You think so?

Then why, WHY do you continue to send soldiers to the Middle East to murder, rape and oppress innocent civilians?

How is this OK to you?

Do these deaths somehow not matter, possibly because you perceive them as less-than-human? Because, Mr. President, if this is the case then you have further proved that you are one racist, selfish, hypocritical son of a bitch.

More Bushisms here: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushisms.htm

Re: "I'm an asshole"

Hahaha. You reap what you sow, folks.

Yahoo! News writes:
"Pro wrestler Benoit's concussions may have contributed to killings of wife, son"


This moment calls for a "DUH!!!!!".
Chris Benoit, the pro wrestler who recently murdered his wife, kid and then himself suffered from brain damage. Yes. Please tell me this doesn't strike you as surprising.

IF SOMEONE PUMMELS YOUR HEAD REPEATEDLY FOR YEARS ON END CHANCES ARE IT WILL AFFECT YOUR BRAIN IN A NEGATIVE WAY.

Also:
"Steroid use also has lingered as a theory behind the killings, since anabolic steroids were found in Chris Benoit's home and tests conducted by authorities showed Benoit had roughly 10 times the normal level of testosterone in his system when he died."

Drugs are STILL bad, kids. If you feel the sudden urge to put an end to all life in your surroundings, chances are you're fucked up and need to lay off the drugs. Lay off the damn testosterone.

What I want to know is: How can you possibly be so caught up in a sport that you will ingest/inject TEN TIMES the normal amount of testosterone into your own body and not expect a negative outcome?


I liken this to the Steve Irwin "freak" death incident. If you're messing with something that's not good for you, could possibly kill or impaire you for life, then you've got it comin'.

But it sure is a shame that Steve Irwin's daughter no longer has a dad (due to his own dumbassness), and that Benoits wife and son fell victim to his hittoomanytimesinthehead and 'roid rage.

Gulf War II

I love the Onion!

"Military Promises 'Huge Numbers' For Gulf War II: The Vengeance"

Heroic Secret Service Agent Takes Question Intended For Bush

Clinton Goes Back In Time, Teams Up With Golden-Age Clinton

My mother is drinking liquor at 2 pm on a Saturday.

And my aunt was drinking beer at 1 am and popped open her first for today just after breakfast... but maybe it has something to do with her son getting married. Who knows.

This is too much. It just makes me want to cry.

I'm just glad I'll never let myself end up like that.